Credit to Mohammed Hassim who emailed me this piece:

Narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): The Prophet[pbuh] said, “Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And Haya[modesty] is a part of faith.” (Bukhari)

Walk into the toy store, and you’ll find “baby” dolls dressed in clothing reminiscent of prostitutes’ outfits. Walk into the clothing store, and prepubescent girls are already being introduced to tank tops, mini skirts, and items of clothing that were once reserved for mature women.
But hey, this is nothing new. It’s been around for a while. and I think that many of us have become somewhat desensitized to this. There are times that we’ll remember how bad it is, but what usually happens is that we cluck over it for a bit and then get distracted by the many other problems we’re facing.

Now, however, I’d like to take the time to address this issue from a couple different angles – both a psychosocial and religious point of view.
In Wendy Shalit’s book “Girls Gone Mild,” she discusses the culture of hypersexualization: how it’s being promoted, through both media and consumerism, how it’s permeated society, and how it has so dangerously affected our lives and mentalities- the psychosocial ramifications of hypersexualized culture are already evident and recognized even by non-Muslims.
Awareness of sexuality is occurring at a much earlier age today, and almost always with a confused or warped understanding of it. Girls and boys are both growing up insensitively exposed to sights and concepts about the human body that were once discovered at a much slower rate that accommodated their level of mental and emotional maturity.

It doesn’t exist only amongst non-Muslims. Even Muslims are infected with the disease of hypersexualization, and its effects are far-reaching. Girls who wear hijaab still obsess over their weight and their image and try to look older than they are-without the maturity or understanding of what ‘older’ really means.
In addition to general psychological and social effects of hypersexualization, as Muslims there is another dimension that makes the issue even more important for us to be aware of.

The concept of hayaa’ – of modesty and shyness – is one that we Muslims should all be aware of, and prize highly, and do our best to cultivate within ourselves. There are many different kinds of hayaa’, but in this context we’ll deal specifically with modesty relating to our bodies.
In Islam, we have something which we call the ‘awra: the part of our bodies that we try to keep covered as much as possible. In general, although of course it differs with women in respect to the hijaab and so on, the ‘awra can be described as what is between the navel and the knees.

Sheikh Hisham al-Awadhi mentions in his series about Children Around the Messenger that sex education and awareness is supposed to begin at an early age for Muslim children – starting with the understanding that there are certain times and places that they cannot enter without permission. Hopefully this is something that Muslim parents are implementing with their children. but then there’s another kind of sex education that must be addressed. That is, teaching our children how to have respect and modesty regarding their own body, and others.’
It’s not enough to just give kids “the birds and the bees” talk and to make girls start wearing hijaab – indeed, I find that there are far too many girls out there who wear hijaab without even fully understanding the many wisdoms behind it, including that of respect, modesty, and self-esteem. Rather, we have to cultivate within them an understanding that whatever they see outside, whatever they hear from others about their bodies and self-image, there is something far more important to keep in mind: to have taqwa not just in matters of “dos” and “don’ts” but also about our attitude towards our bodies.

Respect your body and have self-confidence. Know that first of all, we don’t cover our bodies because we’re ashamed of it – rather, we’re proud of it and respect it. Allah created us in the best of ways, with body parts that both look good (well. mostly!) and perform neccessary functions. However, just ‘cuz we look good doesn’t mean that we should be showing it off to the whole world! (BTW, this goes for men also – please, no Speedos! Those don’t even look good.)

I think it’s of especial importance to get this message across to young girls: hijaabi or not, most girls have issues with their self-esteem and self-image, especially in this society where so much emphasis is placed on making oneself physically attractive. In addition to making them realize that it’s what’s on the inside that counts, we can’t forget that it’s human nature to want to be beautiful – Therefore parents are reminded to make their daughters feel good by complimenting her on her beauty inside the house. Notice when she’s wearing a new outfit, tell her how the colour looks great with her eyes, how lovely she is, etc. In this way, by knowing that others – who are allowed to see her beauty(i.e. her mahaarim) – think she’s beautiful, there’ll be less of a need for her to desire others’ approval of her attractiveness.

Respect others’ bodies. Whether it’s a kaafir or a Muslim, a man or a woman, covered or naked. have respect and shyness for their bodies. Don’t look at what’s not permissable to look at; don’t behave in a manner that’s contrary to the entire concept of hayaa’. Lower your gaze and have good manners. Far too often have I seen hijaabi girls giggling over a model, actor, or even a brother at a community function; similarly, stories about men ogling hijaabis or drooling over non-Muslim women is disgusting because that’s NOT how a Muslim is supposed to act at any time, towards anyone.

Just as girls need a bit of help with the first point, I think parents need to spend more time teaching boys about the second. Part of good manners is to have respect for women and treat them decently no matter how they’re dressed – to truly lower the gaze and behave as the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) did towards women. It needs to start when they’re young, and reinforced as preteens and young teens, so that it will stick with them as adult men who have to deal with women in many different kinds of situations. Recently I saw witnessed two youngsters – although they’re only 12 and 13, they felt shy when they passed by a woman who was indecently dressed. They made a point of averting their gaze, but still treated whoever it was with respect by speaking politely. Sadly, there aren’t many examples of such kids these days.
Another problem that I know many parents struggle with is trying to teach their kids that the pictures of half-naked men and women on advertisements, billboards, TV, etc. are not acceptable Islamically. I believe that this issue is related to the point above: having respect for other people’s bodies. A somewhat uncomfortable question that younger kids might bring up (usually at most inopportune moments!) is something along the lines of, “Mama, why is that lady not wearing any clothes?” or “Dad, why is that man in his underwear?”
This is when, instead of cringing or hissing at them to be quiet or ignoring them, you explain to them about how there are many people who don’t protect their bodies the way we do. Insha’Allah, if you handle it the right way – open, matter-of-factly, but pressing the concept of hayaa’ – your children will grow up knowing that while the human body isn’t something to be ashamed of, it IS something to be cared for, protected, and respected.

Innocence is an endangered species. Instead of ignoring the repercussions of the situation, complaining about it, and not doing anything about it, we have to be proactive in dealing with it. Recognize how it affects our children, and take the necessary measures to address it in an Islamic and psychologically healthy manner.
Also by far, our own example will be most beneficial. If we as parents lower our gazes when in front of the opposite sex this will be educative. Lets also take out SPECIAL DEDICATED time to interact and educate our kids.

Here are a few hadith that we can use to educate our kids:
The Prophet said, “Beware! Avoid sitting on the roads.” They (the people) said, “O Allah’s Apostle! We can’t help sitting (on the roads) as these are (our places) where we have talks.” The Prophet said, “If you refuse but to sit, then pay the road its right.” They said, “What is the right of the road, O Allah’s Apostle?” He said, “Lowering your gaze, refraining from harming others, returning greeting, and enjoining what is good, and forbidding what is evil.” [Bukhari]

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: A man should not look at the private parts of another man, and a woman should not look at the private parts of another woman[Abu Dawood]

“Ibn Abbas narrated: ‘The Prophet (S) cursed the men who appear like women and the women who appear like men.’” (Bukhari)
“Ayesha (R) reported that Asmaa the daughter of Abu Bakr (R) came to the Messenger of Allah (S) while wearing thin clothing. He approached her and said: ‘O Asmaa! When a girl reaches the menstrual age, it is not proper that anything should remain exposed except this and this. He pointed to the face and hands.” (Abu Dawood)

From the Quran: ” And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display theri beauty and ornaments except what (must ordinarily) appear thereof, that they should draw theri veils over their bosoms adn not display their beauty except to their husbands, tathers, husbands’ fathers, sons, or their sisters’ sons, or their women or the slaves whom their right hand possess or male servants free of physical needs, or small children who have no sence of the shame of sex; and that they should not strike their feet in order to draw attention to their hidden ornaments. And O ye Believers! Turn ye all together towards Allah(S.W.T) that ye may attain Bliss (Surah 24:31)

A beautiful Story!
“There was a muslim brother in Glasgow who became ill and was hospitalized. He was admitted for three days and on the fourth day the attendant nurse said, “Marry me”.He [the brother in Glasgow] asked, “Why? I am a Muslim, you and I cannot become companions.”She said, “I will become Muslim”.”What’s the reason?” it was asked.She said, “In all my time that I have served in hospitals, except you, I have never seen a man lower his gaze in front of a woman. In my life you are the first person who lowers his gaze when seeing a woman. I come, and you close your eyes. Such great modesty can be taught by none other than a true religion.”The protection of one’s gaze entered Islam in her. She testified to the Oneness of Allah and became a Muslim. They both got married. By now, the same woman was and is the means of bringing so many other girls and women into Islam.

In a Hadith, the Prophet Muhammad (saw) is reported as having said: “And the eyes commit zina (adultery). Their zina is gazing.” The Prophet Muhammad (saw) commanded Ali (RA) and said to him: “Ali! Do not look once after another, for the first look is for you (since it happens accidentally) while the second is against you.”
May Allah protect us all from the fitnah, fasaad, and faahishah that is all around us, ameen!

By Khalid Baig

Imam Shu’bah ibn Hajjaj was riding his horse when Abdullah intercepted him. Abdullah was a known street urchin. Not only he was given to a life of sin, he was also unabashed about it. Imam Shu’bah knew that trouble was ahead when Abdullah stopped him.

Shu’bah (d. 100 A.H) is known as the “Amirul Momineen fil hadith.” He is one of the foremost scholars of the science of Hadith Criticism. Abdullah knew his stature as a great hadith scholar, but he was bent on having some fun. “Shu’bah! Tell me a hadith,” he said with mischief in his eyes. “This is not the way to learn hadith,” Imam Shu’bah replied. “You are going to tell me a hadith or else…” Abdullah threatened. When Shu’bah realized that he could not talk his way out of this he said: “OK, I’ll tell you a hadith.” He then narrated the isnad (a chain of narrators) and then the hadith: “Prophet Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam said: “If you have lost haya then do whatever you feel like.”

Abdullah’s demeanor changed suddenly. It was as if the Prophet, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, had himself caught him in his mischief and was speaking to him: “Abdullah, if you have lost haya then do whatever you feel like.” He was totally shaken. “I just wanted to cause trouble for you,” he admitted, “but please extend your hand. I want to repent.”

This hadith turned a life around. Abdullah, the street urchin, became a student and then a great scholar of hadith. Today he is known as Abdullah ibn Maslamah Qan’awi. His name can be found repeatedly in Sihah Sitta or the six most authentic collections of hadith, especially in the collection of Imam Abu Dawud who was his disciple.

What is haya? It is normally translated as modesty or inhibition but neither word conveys the same idea as haya. Modesty suggests shunning indecent behavior but it also implies bashfulness based on timidity. That is why the adjective based on its opposite, immodest, is sometimes also used as a compliment suggesting courage. Inhibition is defined as: “Conscious or unconscious mechanism whereby unacceptable impulses are suppressed.” This is a very neutral definition with no reference to right or wrong. So one finds psychiatrist “helping” their patients overcome inhibitions.

In contrast to the moral ambiguity of these words, haya refers to an extremely desirable quality that protects us from all evil. It is a natural feeling that brings us pain at the very idea of committing a wrong.

Along with its unique connotation comes the unique value of haya in Islam. Prophet Muhammad, Sall-Allahu alayhi wa sallam, said: “Every religion has a distinct call. For Islam it is haya.” [Ibn Majah]. Another famous hadith says: “There are more than 70 branches of Iman (Faith). The foremost is the declaration that there is no god except Allah and the least of it is removing harmful things from the path. And haya is a branch of Iman.” [Bukhari, Muslim]. As some Muhaditheen point out, the number 70 is a figure of speech. What the hadith tells us is that the declaration of faith is the most important part of Iman but that is not all. Iman also has to reflect itself in all kinds of actions in real life. Moreover, haya is a centerpiece of most of the actions that Iman calls for. It is the basic building block of Islamic morality. When it is lost everything is lost.

Based on such teachings, Islam brought about a moral revolution of unprecedented dimensions with haya as its cornerstone. The pre-Islamic Jahilya society of Arabia knew the word but did not understand its meaning. Nudity, the antithesis of haya, was not only common in every day life, it was even part of the most important religious ritual of tawaf (circumbulation of Ka’bah). So were all the other evils that flow from it. Islam exterminated all of those evils and changed the society in such a way that haya became one of its most cherished values. To this day in Friday Khutbahs around the world, the third Khalifah Hazrat Usman Radi Allahu unhu is mentioned as the person with perfect haya and perfect Iman (Kamil lil-haya wal Iman). Is there any other religion that celebrates haya like that?

Islam’s laws about hijab, its ban against free mixing of men and women, its teachings about gender-relations — all of these reflect a deep concern for haya.

For men and women who have not lost their haya, these come naturally. There is a moving story from the earlier Islamic period about a woman who learnt that her young son had been lost in a battle. She ran in a panic to confirm the news, but before that she took time to make sure that she covered herself fully in accordance with the newly revealed laws of hijab. She was asked how did she manage to do that in a time of great personal tragedy. She replied: “I have lost my son, but I did not lose my haya.”

And for centuries afterwards Muslim societies did not lose their haya.When Muslim lands came under the western colonial rule about three centuries ago, they were faced with a civilization that was no different than the pre-Islamic Jahilya on the issue of haya. While it did not have better morality, it did have better guns. At the gunpoint of military and political domination, Muslim societies were made to loose their grip on haya on the collective scale. The powerful and attractive media became an important instrument in this war. First it was books, magazines and newspapers. Then radio. Now it is television. Together they projected ideas and images detrimental to haya. They made indecency attractive. The pace was increased tremendously by television, which has shown more firepower than all the previous media combined.

When historians write about the moral decline in Muslim societies in the twentieth century, they will probably underscore television in subverting the moral fabric of society. We can get a sense of the rapidity of our fall by realizing that what was unthinkable just a decade ago has become routinely accepted today. In some cases, we seem to have lost all control. Isn’t it shocking that while contraceptive ads cannot be shown on TV in the U.S. or U.K for moral reasons, they are freely shown in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan?

We can get out of the morass by making haya as our number one concern in both individual as well as public lives. There is no Islamic life without Islamic morality. There is no Islamic morality without haya.